Oh what a day! We held a surpise retirement party at my home for my grandma this afternoon. It took weeks of preparation and lying to her and two days of cleaning my house. Well the party was a huge sucsess and went off without a hitch. She was moved to tears. ( I don't have any pictures my mom had a friend of hers take all the pictures.)





I was good until about 2:30. My brother and his girlfriend, who have a 13 month old decided to announce today of all days that Chelsea is pregnant again. I watched my mom almost scream and jump up and down in excitement while they were surrounded by relatives and family friends. I quickly feigned a happy congratulations. And ran. I hid in the bathroom in the dark and just cried. Then I had to clean myself up and fake it for the rest of the day.



I'm so hurt by mom. She knows that we are officially dealing with infertility. She knows how worried I am, she obviously doesn't know how hurt I am today. I was kind of rude to her and shrugged her off the rest of the afternoon, but if I wouldn't, I just would have lost it.



I am the oldest, I should have been the first to get married. (which I was) And then the first to give them a grand child. (which I wasn't.) Who knows if they will ever get a grandchild from Nick and me. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this for the next 9 months and I just don't know if I can handle it.



God bless, Nick, he's trying so hard to understand, but he just doesn't get why I'm so hurt and upset.

Tomorrow is a new day and maybe tomorrow the hurt won't be so severe and I can not think about it so much.