I never, in a million years, thought that I would say that I've been dreading Christmas. Not the actual season. I've relished the parts of Christmas. Christmas music, baking, shopping and wrapping presents, deciding who to trick with gifts.
All of those things are helping me to escape the dread that has come with this year.
Thanksgiving with my family was horrible. I never in a million years thought that I would have more fun with my in-laws than my own family. NEVER! But, I did.
Now, tonight and Saturday I have to spend with my family. I have to pretend like everything is ok. I have to pretend that I want to be there. I have to pretend that it doesn't bother me that my brother's gf is pregnant. I'm praying she isn't showing yet. I have to pretend that my feelings haven't been hurt by my mom over and over these past couple months.
I'll pretend and get through tonight, so I can celebrate at Candlelight worship. So I can open gifts with my husband and my dog tomorrow morning, so I can laugh with my in-laws tomorrow, so I can get great Christmas decorations at great prices on Friday, so I can enjoy Christmas!
Because if I can't enjoy it, I will be sad and I will cry and I don't want to cry.
I want to laugh, smile, pray, sing, celebrate!
So I will!
Merry Christmas to you and yours! Blessings on your family as you celebrate the birth of Jesus!
Love,
Becky (and Nick and Sadie too!)
3 comments:
oh becky---i understand you so much more than you know.
Love you
merry christmas....
I do hope you've talked to your mom about how she's hurt you. If someone has never been in your situation, they wouldn't know. I wouldn't know of the times I've stuck my foot in my mouth except I've been told (gently because it's not like it's on purpose). If you have and it hasn't helped, I'm sorry.
Merry Christmas
I dread my family and in-laws. I totally appreciate my friends more than my family. They are there for me through thick and then while my family has proved they are not unconditionally there for me.
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